worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Sober January is a disaster.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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