He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
