wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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