how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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