I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
