he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
