everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
