Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
