Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
