But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You left your phone here
Wait...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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