Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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