I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
