It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
