i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
