i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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