It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
His hands were made for my vagina.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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