I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
