Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
