i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
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Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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