You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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