Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
