remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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