I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
