Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
