I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
