don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
