I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
