Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
