God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize