forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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