I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
