Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Last time i carry you out of a forest
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
