I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
