I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
