"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.