so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere