home. puking in laundry basket.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?