Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
