my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
