Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
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I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
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My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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