Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
