i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
why do cheetos always look like penises
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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