carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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