we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
