Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
we should paint friendship bongs
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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