I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's shark week go big or go home
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
