Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
