Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
