In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
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Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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