I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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