if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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