I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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