don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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