What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
