my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Drunk is not a location!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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