Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
