Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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