What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
