i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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