she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
