i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
