I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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