So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I want to make a zoo with you.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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