He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
